lovehate: Twilight – Vampire Stories Where Stakes Are Rare

November 9, 2009 in Uncategorized with Leave a Comment

Let me begin by saying that I do not dislike the first Twilight film. In fact, considering my expectations going in, I suppose it was a mild surprise that I was entertained for the 80, 90, 100 minutes? I don’t remember how long it was. I will admit that I’m not rushing back to see it any time soon.

I do think, however, that Tiger Beat vampire cultures that are being spawned right now have more to do with slapping a cut out template onto a teen drama and little to do with the more traditional aspects of vampire literature.

Quite simply, Bram Stoker would be spinning is his daytime grave and Max Schreck would be flailing his arms wildly as the flash bulbs of a thousand teeny bopper cameras popped on the red carpet. I hardly think it would be too much of a stretch to expect Nosferatu 2: Dude Where’s My Stake! pop up at a theater near you sometime soon.

The vampire mythos has taken a turn for the mundane. I know that Twilight is not the first or last story to bastardize all of the normal conventions that we believe about vampires, but it does seem a prime example of subjugating an archetype for sake of convenience at every turn. Why do I get the feeling that the first time Stephanie Meyer was confronted with questions about Twilight vampires not following the traditional conventions of the classic vampire character, her response was something along the lines of “well MY vampires CAN do that!”

And it’s not that I mind predominantly female youth getting dragged into this quasi-vampire plotline. After all, I watched WAY worse films and WAY worse television in my time to ever have a right to pass universal judgement on anyone. It’s simply that I fear that very soon the concept of Vampire 1.0 will be lost.

How many Twilight readers have read the original Dracula or looked up Vlad the Impaler? How many have come to discover vampires that could NEVER exist in daylight, or cast a reflection, or stand the smell of garlic. Hell, some vampires can’t even be killed with wooden stakes anymore. What’s a Van Helsing to do?

Vampires are supposed to live in creepy castles in Eastern Europe and scare the bejesus out of villagers with hypnotizing other in their charismatic thrall. Hell, the modern vampire is more likely to lust after a PSP than blood these days – which they can pick up at noon, in the middle of summer at the local mall because they’re wearing some crazy ring or amulet or something that allows them to party in the sunlight… but are they really happy? No, they’re all a bunch of gloomy angst-ridden teens that listen to My Chemical Romance.

And what the fuck is with the sparkling skin? Is everyone going out to a rave tonight in their “oh-so-trendy” Abercrombie and Fitch regalia?

Let’s just run the list for my own gratification. I’m going to use Bram Stoker’s Dracula as the comparator in this case, not because I believe it was necessarily the best vampire archetype of all time, but because it redefined the pop culture vampire of its time in a similar way to what Twilight is doing now.

Bram Stoker’s vampires:

• Fangs – YES
• Reflection – NO
• Shadow – NO
• Kill with stake – YES
• Kill by sunlight – YES
• Decapitation – FATAL
• Drowning – FATAL
• Fire – FATAL
• Garlic – WEAKENS
• Crosses – WEAKENS
• Running Water – WEAKENS

Twilight vampires:

• Fangs – NO
• Reflection – YES
• Shadow – YES
• Kill with stake – NO
• Kill by sunlight – NO
• Decapitation – ANNOYING
• Drowning – ANNOYING
• Fire – FATAL
• Garlic – NOTHING
• Crosses – NOTHING
• Running Water – NOTHING

Welcome to Vampire 7.0 beta. Apparently it doesn’t have all the annoying crashes the earlier ones had. The Blue Screen of Death has been replaced by a Facebook logo as new age vamps look for parties to go to with their sparkly skin. Apparently nothing can really kill them except each other and they can only be hurt by an angst-ridden broken heart. They also live in fancy Frank Lloyd Wright houses in the hills and have BBQs on Sundays.

Again, I want to assure you that I can’t hate this evolution. After all Bram Stoker’s vampires were a far off bastardization of “folkloric tales [where] vampires often visited loved ones and caused mischief or deaths in the neighbourhoods they inhabited when they were alive. They wore shrouds and were often described as bloated and of ruddy or dark countenance.” I guess I’m just unwilling to give up the vampire as a monster compared to some of the simpering, whining, high school seniors they seem to be now. Will the “traditional” vampire become, 100 years from now, equated with the Twilight archetype?

I get the entire vampire as an allegory for the struggles of teens growing up and coping in a modern society that alienates them and forces them to hide their true identities in their fortresses of solitude while secretly using their powers to save those that they love… wait… that sounds like Superman. Maybe Superman was a vampire. I think Superman should make appearance in a Twilight film just to shake things up. Then we could have Spock, Chewie and Gandalf come by to keep everybody happy.

Posted via web from lovehatethings

To all those who lovehatethings with me…

November 8, 2009 in Uncategorized with Leave a Comment

I’ve just started up a new podcast – finally deciding on the third blog I will try to maintain at Posterous: www.bestepisodeever.com

Best Episode Ever will be only podcasts to start. Each week I hope to take a trip down memory lane to fondly remember some of the great television shows that shaped my formative TV watching years.

This week’s episode is WKRP in Cincinnati.

I hope, if you like lovehatethings, and follow the blog and podcast, you’ll consider following Best Episode Ever AND if you’re subscribed to the lovehatethings podcast iTunes, you’ll check iTunes in about a week to subscribe to Best Episode Ever.

Posted via web from lovehatethings

Best Episode Ever 01 – WKRP in Cinncinati

November 8, 2009 in Uncategorized with Leave a Comment

Best Episode Ever 01 – Wkrp In by Anthony Marco  
Download now or listen on posterous

best ep 01.mp3 (7258 KB)

Hope you like the new podcast. Simple concept; me riffing on some retro television I loved while growing up. This week – the mighty WKRP!

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thinglets: Other Musical Thoughts About A Sesame Street Anniversary

November 7, 2009 in Uncategorized with Leave a Comment

Take a moment to think about the love that people had for Jim Henson and remember some of the characters he brought into the world while enjoying the next couple of video clips. It’s been 19 years since Jim Henson died and I remember his characters more affectionately than almost any character from a film or novel. These voices were laced with innocence and inspired fantasies and awestruck countenances.

Posted via web from lovehatethings

lovehate: H1N1 Fear Mongering Eh?

November 5, 2009 in Uncategorized with Leave a Comment

I certainly can't attest to the way that H1N1 is being shilled around the world. I've only been subject to some of the Canadian PR and some of the American PR. And after watching the ongoings for the past few months is… WOW!

We have finally reached the point of the ridiculous. Provincial, State and Federal Medical Officers are scrambling to justify the ridiculous amount of paranoia they've inspired in a populace that is driven by cable news and microblogs. As of this writing "more than 1000 people have died from the H1N1" in the United States. This is since the spring. From April to November (half a year), 1000 deaths in a country of 350 million.

In the same period of time, in the US, over 17,000 people die annually of Septicemia, 22,000 of Nephritis, 60,000 by accident, and 28,000 die of the regular flu. The first wave of H1N1 in Canada, Spring and Summer 2009, resulted in 13 deaths. 13 deaths in a country of 33 million people constitutes a "wave". The Canadian government could pull troops out of Afghanistan and avoid 13 Canadian deaths over the next few months. Instead MY government paid 400 million dollars to Glaxo Smith Kline for 55 million shots that we HAVEN'T EVEN RECEIVED YET as "wave" number two rolls across the country. My government is also paying 5 million dollars to sell the vaccine THAT WE DON'T HAVE!

On top of this, the "early" vaccines that have come in for Canadians, probably purchased through some crazy pharma black market, contain adjuvants. The high-risk patients are the only ones getting the vaccine in Canada, yet pregnant women are not supposed to take adjuvants, so some of the most high-risk individuals in Canada cannot even get vaccinated until the "wave" is over. On TVO's The Agenda tonight, Ontario's PR Doctor, Arlene King, looked so uncomfortable over answering some of the questions that at points she was spewing meaningless drivel. Essentially saying that it would be good to get the H1N1 vaccine, even though it's going to be useless for the 2nd wave, because we still have the 3rd wave to worry about. To date, including the 1st wave, there have been 101 H1N1 deaths in Canada.

I certainly don't mean to disregard the tragedy of any death, but many of the reported H1N1 deaths are tied intrinsically to other illnesses – i.e. medically-fragile people. Quite simply, healthy adults may get H1N1, but they don't die from it. And we have 55 million shots sitting in a Glaxo Smith Kline warehouse while chemical cocktail adjuvants are being pumped through the veins of people who line up at clinics like lambs to the slaughter or Steve Jobs' disciples waiting for a new iPhone.

On the aforementioned broadcast from earlier tonight, King maintained that just because the vaccine was fast-tracked, doesn't mean that GSK didn't do proper testing. Are we really supposed to believe this. Drug companies make billions at getting product to market as soon as possible. To say that short timelines still allow "proper testing" seems ludicrous. Could it be that the reason the vaccines are not available yet is due to the fact they're still testing it? Could it be due to the fact that while GSK was willing to take 400 million dollars for 55 million doses, even though they knew they couldn't produce the vaccine on time without adjuvants, that the screw up would be far more embarrassing to the government who frittered away our tax dollars? Upon being asked if it was a mistake to purchase ALL of Canada's vaccine from a single source, King dodged the question THREE times. She further miffed my sensibilities by insisting that it was more important that the medical and government communities spoke with a common message than it was for people to understand the message… Buh!?! Is this ignorance disguised as honesty or the other way around?

I'll admit, I love a good conspiracy theory. And I'll also admit that I rarely have the time or energy to come up with such things on my own. I do admit, however, that in the light of all of the colossal fuckups and media whoring that I've seen over the past half a year, I've started to ask questions:

1) When I follow the money, where does it lead?

2) What's being done by governments while everyone is fretting over a flu strain that kills less people than seasonal flu?

3) What does it say about mass media that ONE H1N1 death becomes the top story, above-the-fold headline once a week and useless stats get rolled out every night?

4) What does it say about our gullibility that, as a society, we're buying into fear prompted by government-paid full page newspaper ads, tv spots, brochure drops, and fancy websites like www.fightflu.ca?

The government got conned in a game of "you better cover your ass or their gonna blame you" by big pharma. Now they have to convince us to buy into the con, or else tens of millions of vaccines will expire in a federal warehouse sometime next year and people will wonder why the hell we spent so much money, during a recession, on an unused inoculation that could have created 8000 jobs paying $50,000 a year. Maybe, with a good-paying job, and good nutrition, some of the medically-fragile children they're "saving" with this vaccine, would have to be so medically-fragile in the first place.

Yeah, I know. In the tradition of this blog, I've glossed over half of every argument and probably got a whole bunch of people pissed off at me… just wash your hands before you punch me.

Posted via email from lovehatethings

Podcast 113 – A Lyrical Literary Lovehate

November 4, 2009 in Uncategorized with Leave a Comment

Lovehatethings 113 – A Lyrical by Anthony Marco  
Download now or listen on posterous

lovehatethings 113 – A Lyrical Literary Lovehate.mp3 (9923 KB)

Concerning that obvious lyrical and literary giant that is Jay Sean and opining on the a drawback to the increased efficiency of search engines.

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Marc Bolan says :Girl, I’m Just a Vampire for Your Love!”

November 3, 2009 in Uncategorized with Leave a Comment

via youtube.com

Marc Bolan and T-Rex… too cool for words. Is it just me or was Bolan one of those guys who just knew he was infinitely cool, talented, and could pull it all off effortlessly? I don’t even know what “girl, I’m just a Jeepster for your love” means, but I’m diggin’ it.

Posted via web from lovehatetunes

a literary lovehate: Jay Sean’s “Down”

November 3, 2009 in Uncategorized with Leave a Comment

Just because a song has a repetitive banal dance beat, and an autotuned vocal track to boot, doesn't mean the lyrics can't by high literature. I offer up the current Number One Billboard Radio Song as an example of a lyric that contains all of the thematic complexity of Shakespeare and Siddhartha. Why can't you people bow down and acknowledge lyrical genius when you read it? I heard that on his next album there will be a song trilogy that sums up the key elements of Camus, Proust, and Ezra Pound.

Down

by Jay Sean

Baby are you down down down down down,

Downnnnnnn, downnnnnnn,

Obviously calling upon his Marxist teachings of class warfare, Jay Sean calls to mind how struggling lower class infants not only are trapped by their predicament within a modern capitalist society, but that the slippery slope gets becomes inescapable as echoed by the persistent repetition of the title.

Even if the sky is falling down,

Downnnnn, downnnnn

Ooohhh (ohhh)

Calling upon the children's literary reference "Chicken Little" Sean expresses the deep-seeded fear felt by young children confronted a society where everything seems crumbling around. A clever allusion is also apparent whereby Roots' protagonist Chicken George is melded with Canadian elder statesman impressionist Rich Little in illustrating the hypocrisy involved in the illusion of rising up without action to back it up.

You oughta know, tonight is the night to let it go,

Put on a show, i wanna see how you lose control,

A cry for a needed self-examination of the internal walls put up around the empowerment of the lower class. Sean sits back as the provoker/reporter who recalls many a standard Shakespearean metaphor about the deconstruction of life as play. Here he asks the everyman youth to abandon class-based expectations and act outside of themselves in an effort to assess the potential for an eventual revolution against the upper class.

So leave it behind ‘cause we, have a night to get away,

So come on and fly with me, as we make our great escape.

In an obvious homage to bleak outlook of life under a capitalist oligarchy, Sean encourages hallucinogenic experimentation as a means of escape and empowerment. As the sky falls down around the disenfranchised, only by letting go inhibitions will they be able to exceed the social parameters they've been forced into.

So baby don’t worry, you are my only, 

You won’t be lonely, even if the sky is falling down,

You’ll be my only, no need to worry,

In recalling the struggle of the underclass, Sean asserts a subtle, yet meaningful appreciation for the formation and galvanizing effort of urban guerrilla squads where affected youth can gather under shared roofs of poverty and fear while relying on each other for support. Within these impromptu families, those who have been abandoned by society or their families can gain strength under a unified cause while not having to constantly worry.

Just let it be, come on and bring your body next to me,

I’ll take you away, hey, turn this place into our private getaway,

In evoking the pastoral tones of McCartney's Let it Be, Sean seeks to share his strength in a effort to not only respond to the insurgent threat that seeks to shatter his domain, but also turn revolution into assimilation. By turning the place into a private getaway, Sean admits the temptation embodied in a Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous attitude of co-opting that which is depressed and omnipresent around him into a place of exclusion and privilege.

So leave it behind ‘cause we, have a night to get away,

So come on and fly with me, as we make our great escape,

(So why don’t we run away)

While recalling the sense of chemical escapism from earlier, Sean, in a clever turn, brings the fantasy back down to reality by acknowledging the folly of flying to make an escape. His acceptance of the crushing world coming down upon him will not allow him to fly. Flying to him has been the refuge of fantasies and the dreams of a perceived move to a state in which he would become "hyperhuman". Instead Sean's realization that flight is folly, leads him to the conclusion that sometimes the most prudent escape is just to run away. The dreams of flying will have to remain just that.

Even if the sky is falling down like she supposed to be,

She gets down low for me,

Down like her temperature, ‘cause to me she too raw degree,

She crawl all over things,

In taking us on a cycle of flight to walking to crawling, Sean encompasses the entire pattern of the evolution of life. His personification of the sky lends credence to the parallel he draws between the struggle of one's relationship with society as being analogous to one's struggle in a relationship. His evocation of the classic madonna/whore paradigm from the angelic woman in the clouds to one crawling at his feet reveals his confusion at the complexity of interpersonal dynamics in a world where class  presupposes humanity.

I got that girl from overseas,

Now she my miss America,

I can’t help be her souljah pleaser,

I’m fighting for this girl,

In an effort to overcome the confusion over his role in relationships with the opposite sex, Sean redefines the archetype by narrowing the field. The allusion to the soldier away at war who, by the symbolism of uniform and mission, can become a de facto hero to the citizens he's trying to liberate becomes a dark irony when recalling the same types of downtrodden attitudes felt by the same people back home. An obvious moment of Sean shining the light on the hypocrisy of military recruitment in lower class communities where the mission becomes escapism as a uniform and gun becomes equated with power, only to evaporate upon the return home.

I’m in battlefield love,

Don’t it look like baby cupid sent his arrows from above,

Don’t you ever leave the side of me,

Indefinitely, now probably, and honestly get down like that, be proud of me,

Yeahhhhhh

Sean surrenders to this role of leaving home to become imbued with a sense of power by a rifle and a rank. Where, back home, the sky was falling down,while serving overseas there is now arrows of love showering down from the skies. We begin to realize very quickly that the woman in the song was really just a foil for his own sense of diffused empowerment. While he surely may have found a way out of the circumstances that he found himself in under the class struggles of a constricting economic system back home, the defined militaristic life has replaced that crutch with a new one: dependency. The duality of powerlessness rings true as the protagonist has substituted social dependency for personal dependency. 

The supposed escape has failed. Sean moves the protagonist from one failed system to another. It's at this point we realize the eloquent refrain of the title throughout this song in spurring a reminiscence of the old wisdom which acknowledges that while you can climb out of a hole, you cannot dig out of one. In so doing, Sean completes this tragic tale with a faint recollection that seems more Beckett than Biggie.

Posted via email from lovehatethings

thinglets: The Perfectly Preposterous Peter Puck

November 1, 2009 in Uncategorized with Leave a Comment

via youtube.com

When Canadian broadcasters had to try to explain hockey to American audiences in the mid-70s, Brain McFarlane, former CBC sportscaster, conceptualized Peter Puck to introduce the basics of the game.

Iconic – yes.

Cool for kids – yes.

Insulting to Canadians who already knew the game – probably.

As insulting as the glowing FOX puck in the 90s – not even close.

Go retro and dig Peter Puck – a great part of my childhood.

Posted via web from lovehatethings

thinglets: The Perfectly Preposterous Peter Puck

November 1, 2009 in Uncategorized with Leave a Comment

via youtube.com

When Canadian broadcasters had to try to explain hockey to American audiences in the mid-70s, Brain McFarlane, former CBC sportscaster, conceptualized Peter Puck to introduce the basics of the game.

Iconic – yes.

Cool for kids – yes.

Insulting to Canadians who already knew the game – probably.

As insulting as the glowing FOX puck in the 90s – not even close.

Go retro and dig Peter Puck – a great part of my childhood.

Posted via web from lovehatethings